A conversation with Caitie – Community Member and Disability Advocate
"Taking up space means being unapologetically yourself. As someone who has big emotions and big feelings, it’s not shutting yourself off and being ashamed of yourself. It’s setting boundaries with people and advocating for myself even though it’s hard. I deserve to take up space as a queer neurodivergent person, I deserve to be heard I deserve to be seen just as anyone else does."
Content Warning: This article contains mentions suicide which may be distressing for some readers. If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, please seek help from a mental health professional or our resources page.
Watch videos of Catitie’s interview here.
Could you tell me a bit about yourself and what you do?
My name is Caitie, I’m 24 and I’m a student in the Western suburbs of Melbourne. I’m a scout leader, and I volunteer with Moonee Valley. I’m hugely involved in my community and a big advocate for youth and LGBTQIA+ issues, and disability. I’m particularly passionate about working with queer and neurodivergent youth.
I recently got my mental health first aid certificate and I was able to be the wellbeing and mental health officer for a camp at Scouts which was really fantastic. I got to run meditations and be the go to person for mental health. It was amazing and just felt really nice to be able to be that person for people if they were struggling, because I know what it’s like to struggle.
I’m neurodivergent, I’m autistic and I have ADHD (Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder), CPTSD (Complex post-traumatic stress disorder), and I identify as queer and non-binary. So I relate to these kids and can be that person that they can see themselves in and that’s a really special thing.
Can you tell me about your experience as a queer neurodivergent person?
I was a late diagnosed autistic person, which is quite typical for people born as female as it presents differently. I was considered a bit of an oddball, a bit different. I was good at school so I flew under the radar, I would have a lot of sensory issues and struggles but it was just seen as me being anxious.
My autism looks a lot different from the stereotype like Sheldon Cooper, liking trains, being a super genius etc, that’s absolutely a valid way to be autistic, it’s just not everyone’s way.
For me I struggle on the complete opposite end with emotions, I’m highly emotional and empathetic to other people’s emotions.
Autism looks different for everyone especially if you’re born female. The diagnostic criteria is based on what it looks like in males, particularly young males. If you’re an older woman it looks different – it gets missed or misdiagnosed as anxiety or personality disorders, which is fine to have, but if it’s not what you have or who you are then you don’t get the treatment you need.
It was a really hard experience growing up. I felt there was something so fundamentally wrong with me, I couldn’t relate in social situations, I was always on the outside. I looked like I was doing everything that everyone else was doing but it wasn’t right, I couldn’t figure it out. Unfortunately that did lead to a couple of suicide attempts. I felt so out of place in this world. And that’s a thing that a lot of people with autism feel, the suicide rates are horrifically skewed if you have autism or you’re neurodivergent, even more so if you’re queer, because you just feel like you’re in a world that wasn’t made for you. And when I was in my early 20’s I finally figured out why I felt like this world wasn’t made for me, and it is, I’m just different, and there’s nothing wrong with that. After finding out that I was autistic I could accept myself, I could really understand who I am, and start to heal myself and it was just such a good feeling.
The thing a lot of people experience after learning who you are is skill regression, so it felt almost like after hearing the diagnosis you get more disabled, but that’s just because you need to re-learn everything. You need to re-learn sensory issues, you need to re-learn your boundaries, you need to set new boundaries, you’ve got to be good at advocating for yourself, it’s an exhausting process. But out the other end I’ve turned into someone who can do things for themselves, things I never thought were possible. I’m doing all my volunteering, I’m studying at uni, I’m following my dreams, four years I didn’t think any of that was possible and it feels so good.
What are some strengths you see in being neurodivergent?
There are a lot of positives to being neurodivergent and queer. My therapist called it finding same kin, so finding your people. When you find another group of neurodivergent people you just mesh well. Like my husband, he’s autistic and ADHD as well, and the way we mesh and communicate is just lovely, and it’s been a really good, strong healthy relationship. You find those groups who really know who you are, and you can set your boundaries and it’s amazing. Autistic friendships are just so incredible. Being queer as well you find your community, you find queer events and get to celebrate who you are, and that’s incredible.
The other positives of neurodivergence I find are the pureness of autistic joy. You’re so excited you start *stimming, and your whole body gets happy over something. When you get so happy you feel like you just can’t keep it in your body, it feels like it’s just flowing out of you and it’s so nice.
*Stimming: involuntary movements when you’re experiencing extremes of emotions, you might be super stressed, super upset or super happy. It could be hand shaking, tapping, flapping.
Is there anything else you’d like people to know about being a queer autistic adult?
There’s a lot of stigma and assumptions that surround autism itself. A lot of people think that autism looks the same in everyone and it doesn’t. A lot of people hear the word spectrum and think it means a linear graph between a little bit of autism and a lot of autism, or the “low-functioning” and “high-functioning” labels which is problematic in itself. But that’s not really the case and it’s not the best representation of what autism is, it’s a lot more like a spiderweb. Each of the points might be sensory, processing, emotional intelligence, some areas you might struggle more with, and others you do really well in. And it’s not set in stone, it changes, so sometimes you might have more issues with one area, and you might get naturally better with other areas, so it’s really fluid.
It’s always hard setting boundaries and it’s difficult advocating for yourself, but it gets easier the more you do it. For autistic and non-autistic people, it’s a skill everyone really needs.
It's one of the best things I can do for my mental health, and I’m grateful to all the hard work I put in to get to where I am now.
And even being that person for other people, I’ve really got to understand myself and I’m proud of who I am, I’m proud to be autistic. Like with my scouts, they can see themselves in a queer neurodivergent adult. It’s really beneficially mutual, and it feels good to be that person who helps other people discover themselves more and accept themselves more, and it’s something I really treasure.
If you’re having a difficult time with your mental health, what are some of the things you find that help you?
Being neurotypical or being queer can be really hard mentally. People don’t accept you or don’t understand. It’s a difficult world out there for us. There are things that do help.
I absolutely understand that having a therapist is expensive and not something that’s always accessible, but that has helped.
When I was first figuring out who I am as an autistic person I really benefited a lot from following autistic people on social media like TikTok and Instagram. Especially those who are really open. Like trans, queer, adult and women autistic people. I’d never seen that before, I’d never seen myself in other people, I’d never seen people struggling with the same things as I have. That really helped with my mental health, because the biggest thing was feeling so alone in the world, feeling like an alien and feeling like you don’t belong, that was the biggest issue with my mental health.
Seeing people being unapologetically themselves helps so much. Even little things like watching positive media with autistic people in it. I really like ‘Bob’s Burgers’ because the whole family is a different type of neuro-divergence and that’s a positive healthy relationship in that family and that’s awesome.
And people like Hannah Gadsby, the queer autistic Australian comedian, she’s so cool, love her. Going to her shows and having everyone laugh with her about autistic experiences and being able to see myself in someone else it really has helped.
And listening to podcasts from autistic people. Finding things out from other people’s experiences, and making some connections with them or other autistic people. Just fighting that isolation is one of the best things I can do for my mental health, and I’m grateful to all the hard work I put in to get to where I am now.
And even being that person for other people, I’ve really got to understand myself and I’m proud of who I am, I’m proud to be autistic. Like with my scouts, they can see themselves in a queer neurodivergent adult. It’s really beneficially mutual, and it feels good to be that person who helps other people discover themselves more and accept themselves more, and it’s something I really treasure.
What does taking up space mean to you?
Taking up space means being unapologetically yourself. As someone who has big emotions and big feelings, it’s not shutting yourself off and being ashamed of yourself. It’s using fidgets at uni when I need to concentrate. It’s setting boundaries with people and advocating for myself even though it’s hard. I deserve to take up space as a queer neurodivergent person, I deserve to be heard I deserve to be seen just as anyone else does. It’s difficult for anyone to really find and be your true self, but I encourage everyone, especially those who are neurodivergent, to truly be who you are. Unmasked, unapologetic, be you and take up space in the world.
WATCH: Caitie’s experience of being a queer neurodivergent person
WATCH: What Caitie wants people to know about being a queer autistic adult
