Ask Me Anything

We've answered a similar question here!

You’re right that someone who’s had herpes for a long time is generally less contagious than someone who’s recently got it. The risk of passing it on is also highest when there are visible sores or an outbreak. Condoms can help lower the risk, and if your partner takes daily suppression medication, the chance of passing herpes on is even lower.

The type of consensual sex you have doesn’t make you more likely to catch herpes. If you use sex toys, just make sure you clean them properly with warm water and soap or a sex toy cleaner between uses.

Remember that herpes is really common and usually easy to manage. Around 1 in 8 sexually active Australian adults have genital herpes, and many don’t even know they have it because they don’t get symptoms.

If you’re feeling worried, or just want some personalised advice, chat with your GP or a sexual health clinic. You can go together with your partner if that feels more comfortable.

There are lots of reasons people can feel awkward or uncomfortable talking about sex. It can be shaped by how we grew up, our personal experiences and feelings, and the messages we’ve picked up from society.

For some people, sex has mostly been talked about in negative or scary ways - like only hearing about STIs or unplanned pregnancy. Others may have grown up in families or communities where sex wasn’t talked about, so they learnt that it’s embarrassing or “not polite” to discuss. Some people might also worry about being judged.

We can pick up these ideas from family, school, culture, religion, media and social media. Even though we see lots of sexual content online, we’re not always taught how to have open, honest and respectful conversations about sex.

The good news is that this is changing. The curriculum at school is becoming more relevant and useful for young people and more people are having positive conversations about sex, bodies, relationships, pleasure, consent and boundaries.

Sex is a normal part of being human, and talking about it can help us feel more confident making decisions that are right for us. These conversations can also help us build respectful relationships and have sex that’s safe, consensual, enjoyable and pleasurable - things everyone has a right to.

Sex is private, but talking about it doesn’t have to be. It’s healthy to have open conversations with sexual partners and trusted people in your life. It's a good idea to have these conversations before during and after sex, to help each other better understand what you do and don’t enjoy, boundaries, consent, contraception and protection.

Of course, not everyone will feel comfortable talking about sex and that’s okay. Find people you trust and feel comfortable with, and remember you can always talk to a GP or sexual health professional if you have questions.

It might feel awkward at first, but like anything, it gets easier with practice.

The short answer is no! Genitals are unique to every person. Just like the vulva, penises come in all shapes and sizes. Penises will have different lengths, widths, curves, some will have foreskin, others won't.

Social media, movies and other media can give us unrealistic ideas about what bodies are 'supposed' to look like. This can sometimes make us feel unsure or self-conscious about our own bodies.

But pleasure isn’t about having a certain body size or shape. It’s about feeling comfortable, respecting each other’s boundaries, communicating openly, and exploring what feels good together.

It’s normal for a healthy vagina to have a natural scent, which can change with your menstrual cycle, sex, exercise and other lifestyle changes.

Your vagina’s natural pH helps keep healthy levels of bacteria and yeast.

A strong, fishy or unpleasant smell that lasts more than a few days, especially with itching or unusual discharge, can be a sign of an infection or bacterial imbalance, such as bacterial vaginosis (BV) or an STI.

These conditions are common and treatable. If you’re concerned about a change in smell, talk to a doctor or sexual health professional who can check your symptoms and recommend the right treatment.

Understanding your menstrual cycle can help you learn more about your body and health. It's common not to know much about how it works, especially when periods aren’t regularly talked about or taught at school.

Your menstrual cycle is the monthly process your body goes through in preparation for a possible pregnancy. Day 1 is the first day of your period, and the cycle continues until the day before your next period.

Everyone’s cycle is different. A typical cycle is around 21 - 35 days, although many people have a cycle of about 28 days. Hormones, including oestrogen and progesterone, control the cycle and can also affect how you feel physically and emotionally.

There are four main stages:

Menstrual phase: Your period, when the lining of the uterus is shed.
Follicular phase: A hormone is released to develop follicles in the ovaries, each containing an immature egg.
Ovulation: An egg is released from the ovary and travels towards the uterus. It can survive for around 24 hours.
Luteal phase: The lining of the uterus thickens in preparation for a possible pregnancy.

If a pregnancy does not occur, the lining of the uterus will shed and your period will come, restarting your menstrual cycle.

A free period-tracking app can be a helpful way to learn more about your cycle and notice patterns.

For more information about the menstrual cycle and how hormones can affect your body and mood, visit:
https://flo.health/menstrual-cycle/health/menstrual-cycle-phase

Many people don't orgasm from penetration alone and will need other kinds of touch and stimulation to orgasm. This could include clitoral stimulation, oral sex, using sex toys or a range of these methods.

For some people with vulvas, it can also take some time to become fully aroused, so it’s a good idea to take it slow and not rush into penetration.

If you’re having penetrative anal sex it’s important that you take it slow, use plenty of lubricant, and stop if you’re experiencing any unwanted pain. It might be enjoyable for your genitals to be stimulated at the same time.

Try building up to vaginal or anal penetration using different kinds of touch, such as kissing, touching the body in places you find pleasurable like the nipples, clitoris, or anus, having oral sex, or doing whatever you enjoy! It can also help to explore different speeds, depths and positions to find what feels good to you.

How you're feeling in your mind is an important aspect of arousal. Feeling safe and comfortable with your sexual partner, taking deep breaths, and trying to stay present in your body and focus on the different sensations that you feel during sex may help you to feel relaxed and experience more pleasure.

If you orgasm through solo masturbation, think about bringing what helps you orgasm alone into partnered sex and talking about what you enjoy.

Orgasm is great but it’s just one aspect of sex. If you’re enjoying yourself and feeling pleasure don’t put pressure on yourself. Explore what you enjoy and communicate that to your partner, and it’s likely that orgasm will happen!

Sex toys can be intimidating at first, and it’s common to feel overwhelmed, uncomfortable or not know where to start!

The good news is you can’t do the wrong thing, as long as you are doing what you enjoy, and making sure you’re using them in a safe and hygienic way.

Sex toys are really just tools you can use to help you experience different sensations. You don’t have to pressure yourself to use them if you don’t want to. Do what feels right for you and your body.

If you want to get comfortable using the sex toys you have, set some time aside and create an environment where you feel relaxed, and slowly start experimenting with different ways you can use them that feels good for you. You might start with a slow setting, or hold them to different parts of your body to get used to the feeling. If it’s a sex toy that’s inserted, using lubricant can help it to feel more comfortable. Your sex toys will likely have instructions or reviews online which might give you some ideas about how to use them.

There are many different kinds of sex toys, and finding the right one will depend on what you’re looking for, and it will be different for everyone. If you have a vulva you might start with a simple dildo or vibrator which are inserted internally. Some vibrators will have a part that stimulates the clitoris at the same time. If you’d prefer only clitoral stimulation, you can get small vibrators that are placed just on the clitoris. If you want to experiment with anal play you may want to try a butt plug. For people with penises there are vibrating ringa that are placed around the penis, or male masturbators where the penis is inserted inside.

There are lots of ‘beginners guide to sex toys’ you can find on the internet if you want more detailed information. Remember that everyone is going to enjoy different things and different sensations, so the important thing is to try not to put pressure on yourself and have fun exploring!

Sex toy safety:
There are also a few things to remember when it comes to sex toy safety.

• Choose non-porous materials like silicone so that it’s safe and easy to sanitise
• Use lubricant with sex toys to make it more comfortable (don’t use silicone-based lubricant with silicone toys as it can damage them)
• Clean your toys after every use with gentle soap and warm-water, or specialised sex-toy cleaner
• If you’re using sex toys with partners make sure the condom is changed if you switch between partners or body parts (e.g. anus and vagina), to avoid bacteria and STIs
• If you’re planning on inserting any sex toys into the anus make sure it has a flared bottom so it doesn’t get lost inside the body.

It’s completely okay to be figuring out who you’re attracted to. Everyone’s sexuality is different, and there’s no right or wrong way to experience attraction. Some people know who they’re attracted to early in life, while for others, sexuality can change or evolve over time.

Questioning your sexuality can feel exciting and affirming, but it can also feel confusing, stressful or overwhelming. Whatever you’re feeling, you’re not alone. There’s no rush to figure out your sexuality or choose a label. Be patient and gentle with yourself. Your feelings are valid, even if they change over time.

You might find it helpful to reflect on your feelings, crushes, relationships or the kinds of attraction you experience. You can also learn about different sexualities and hear from people with similar experiences. You don’t have to label yourself. Some people find labels helpful, while others don’t. Sexuality exists on a spectrum, and some people experience their sexuality as fluid or changing over time.

Talking to someone you trust like a friend, family member, therapist or LGBTQIA+ support service can help. Finding people who understand and support you can make a big difference.

You also don’t have to tell anyone about your sexuality before you’re ready. Your privacy matters, and you get to choose who you feel safe sharing with.

Most importantly, be kind to yourself. Whatever your sexuality, you deserve to feel safe, respected, accepted and celebrated for who you are.

More info:

https://www.scarleteen.com/read/identity/q-questioning

In their own words, here are the experiences of people who’ve gone through (or are still in) a period of questioning: https://www.scarleteen.com/read/identity/answers-now-0

Qlife: https://qlife.org.au/

www.minus18.org.au/articles/it's-okay-to-still-be-questioning:-why-identity-has-no-deadline

Yes, pre-cum (pre-ejaculate) can sometimes contain sperm. If a penis enters the vagina, there is a possibility of pregnancy.

If pre-cum gets near the vagina, there is a small chance sperm could enter the vagina. However, if there was no penetration and the penis was only rubbing against the vulva (the outside of the genitals), pregnancy is very unlikely.

If you’ve had unprotected sex and don’t want to become pregnant, emergency contraception can help prevent pregnancy. Depending on the type, it can be used up to 72 hours after sex, but it works best when taken as soon as possible. Emergency contraception won’t end an existing pregnancy.

Emergency contraception is safe for most people, but it can cause temporary side effects such as nausea, tiredness or changes to your next period. Whether to take it is your choice, and you can talk to a healthcare professional if you’re unsure.

Talking about contraception, STI protection, boundaries, consent and what you both enjoy before sex can help prevent unwanted pregnancy and infections. Having these conversations can help ensure sex feels safer and more enjoyable for everyone.

Chlamydia is one of the most common STIs in Australia. It often has no noticeable symptoms, but it can be treated with antibiotics.

If you test positive, usually via a urine sample, recent sexual partners should also get tested and receive treatment if needed. Your doctor will let you know when it’s safe to have sex again. This is usually after you’ve finished treatment or waited the recommended amount of time. If chlamydia isn’t treated, it can sometimes cause health complications.

A follow up test around 3 months can ensure that the infection has cleared from the body and to make sure you haven't caught it again in that time.

If you’re unsure about testing or treatment, talk to your doctor or GP. They’ve heard these questions before, so don’t be afraid to ask. STIs are common and can happen to anyone. Most are curable, and all are treatable. Getting tested and treated helps keep you and your sexual partners healthy and can make sex safer and more enjoyable.

We've answered a similar question about cleaning sex toys here.

You’re doing absolutely nothing wrong, listen to what your body is telling you and always stop if you aren’t comfortable. Masturbating solo is a different experience to having someone else touch your body.

If you’re new to sex it’s normal to be exploring and figuring out what you like and feel comfortable with.

It’s important for you and your partner to have open and honest conversations about what you feel comfortable with, what you enjoy, what you want to try, and what your boundaries are. It’s good to have these conversations before sex.

You both deserve to feel safe and comfortable. If you try something and don’t enjoy it, you can stop at any time. You don’t need a reason to say no. You should never feel pressured to do something you’re not comfortable with, don’t enjoy, or don’t feel ready for. You also don’t have to do something just to make someone else happy. Your boundaries matter, and so do theirs.

There are lots of different kinds of touching you can explore which don’t involve genitals, including kissing, cuddling, and touching different parts of the body like the neck, ears, nipples, breasts or bottom. Maybe you feel more comfortable being touched over your clothes. If you feel ready you can try touching and oral sex again in the future, but go at a pace you feel comfortable with and stop if you still don’t like it.

You have the right to only do what feels good for you, and your partner should always respect your boundaries.

Remember sex should feel safe, consensual, and enjoyable for everyone!

Exploring your sexuality, figuring out who you’re attracted to, and discovering what you enjoy are all normal and healthy parts of growing and learning about yourself. Everyone’s sexuality is different, and there’s no right or wrong way to experience attraction or pleasure.

It can feel exciting and affirming, but it can also bring up confusing or anxious feelings. Whatever you’re feeling, that’s okay.

Talking to someone you trust like a friend, family member, therapist or support service such as QLife can help if you want support.

Whether you’ve had sex or not, your feelings and sexuality are valid. There’s no rush to have everything figured out, and you don’t need to choose a label if you don’t find one helpful.

Who you’re attracted to and what you enjoy can change over time. That’s normal, and it’s completely okay. We’ve answered a similar question about figuring out your sexuality here.

Yes. If it’s been 6 weeks since your abortion and you’re feeling well, it’s generally safe to have vaginal sex. The Royal Women’s Hospital recommends avoiding vaginal sex for the first 14 days after a surgical abortion to reduce the risk of infection. Having sex after this time won’t cause an infection in your partner because of the abortion. If you have ongoing pain, heavy bleeding, fever or unusual discharge, check in with your doctor.

Remember that you can become pregnant again very soon after an abortion, even before your next period. If you don’t want to become pregnant, use contraception.

Sexual satisfaction is a valid part of a relationship, and it’s reasonable to want your needs to matter too.

If you’ve consistently made sure your partner is satisfied while your own needs have gone unmet, it’s worth taking seriously. You don’t necessarily have to end the relationship immediately, though. If you feel comfortable, having an honest conversation about how you’ve been feeling could give you both an opportunity to work together on improving things and making changes that help you both feel more satisfied.

What matters is that there’s mutual effort, communication and respect. If you’ve already tried to communicate your needs and nothing changes, it’s also okay to decide that the relationship isn’t working for you. You don’t need to justify leaving by having a 'good enough' reason.

We've answered a similar question about sexual satisfaction and communication here.

It’s understandable to wonder about this, especially if you’re already waiting for a tonsillectomy.

Rough oral sex is unlikely to make your tonsils permanently bigger, but if there’s a lot of pressure or contact with them, it could irritate them and cause pain, swelling or bleeding. Since your tonsils are already enlarged, it’s best to avoid anything that hurts or puts a lot of pressure on them.

You don’t necessarily need to avoid oral sex altogether, but if you notice that it makes your throat sore or causes bleeding, stop and give your throat a chance to recover. If you’re worried about whether it’s safe for you specifically, you can also ask your healthcare professional.

After your tonsillectomy, you’ll need to avoid activities that could irritate your throat while it heals. Your healthcare team can let you know when it’s safe to resume them.

You’re not weird for feeling this way and there is nothing wrong with you for having these feelings.

For some trans people, feelings about pregnancy, motherhood, or having a body that can carry a baby can be connected to gender dysphoria. It can be very upsetting to want something that you feel you can’t experience. Not being able to experience pregnancy does not affect your identity as a woman and there are other possible ways to become a parent in the future.

Because you mentioned feeling suicidal when these feelings go away, please bring this up with the person who’s already helping you with your mental health. It’s something you deserve support with, especially if it’s becoming intense or painful.

Focus on staying safe. Reach out to someone you trust, and if you feel like you might hurt yourself, tell a trusted adult or contact crisis support straight away.

Support services:

Thorne Harbour Health
03 9865 6700 | thorneharbour.org
LGBTIQ+-inclusive health and wellbeing services, including sexual health, HIV and hepatitis care, mental health support, counselling and community programs.

Switchboard
switchboard.org.au
Switchboard provides peer-driven support services for LGBTIQA+ people, their families, allies and communities. They have a range of different programs, including:

Rainbow Door
1800 729 367
A free service that supports people with issues that may include suicidal thoughts, family and intimate partner violence (including elder abuse), alcohol and other drugs, relationship issues, sexual assault, social isolation, mental health and wellbeing.

QLIFE
1800 184 527
LGBTIQ+ peer support for people in Australia wanting to talk about sexuality, gender, bodies, feelings or relationships. Switchboard is the Victorian partner of QLife.

Queerspace
03 9663 6733 | queerspace.org.au
An LGBTIQ+ health and wellbeing support service by Drummond Street Services providing counselling, family education, advocacy and case management.

Transgender Victoria
tgv.org.au
TGV is Victoria’s leading body for trans and gender diverse advocacy. Their website has resources for both trans people and their friends & families.

It’s completely up to you. There’s no “right” amount of time for sex to last, and there’s no expectation that you should delay orgasm or ejaculation or be able to get hard again straight away. What matters most is what feels comfortable and enjoyable for you.

After someone with a penis has an orgasm and/or ejaculates (these can sometimes happen separately), they may need some time before they can get another erection, orgasm or ejaculate. This is called the refractory period. It’s different for everyone - it might be a few minutes for some people, or much longer for others.

If you want to be able to delay orgasm or ejaculation, there are some things you can try:

• Slow your breathing. Taking slow, deep breaths can help you relax when you're getting close to orgasm.
• Try edging. If you feel yourself getting close to orgasm, slow down or stop for a bit. Once the feeling has passed, you can start again. You can practice this when masurbating or exploring your own pleasure.
• Try pelvic floor exercises. These can help some people with controlling ejaculation. Your pelvic floor muscles are the ones you use to stop yourself from peeing. Try gently squeezing them for about 10 seconds, then relaxing and repeating. Don't regularly practice by stopping your pee mid flow though as this can affect your bladder health.

If you’re worried about ejaculating sooner than you would like, or it’s bothering you, you can talk to a GP or sexual health professional. And remember that penetration is only one type of sex. A penis doesn't have to be hard for someone to expereince pleasure. Sex can involve lots of different things, such as touching, oral sex, hands, fingers or toys.

If you’re having sex with someone and you feel pressure to stay hard, last longer or delay ejaculation, talk to them about how you’re feeling. You can take a break, stop penetration or try other kinds of sex instead.

Sex isn’t about how long you last or what your body can do. Everyone is different, and it’s okay if your body doesn’t always respond in the same way. What matters is that you feel comfortable, safe and able to enjoy the experience.

Orgasm and ejaculation often happen at the same time, so it’s easy to think they’re the same thing. But they’re actually different, and they don’t always happen together.

An orgasm is a feeling of sexual pleasure and release. Everyone experiences it differently. You might notice your heart beating faster, your breathing changing, your muscles tightening or muscles around your genitals contracting. Afterwards, you might feel relaxed, happy or sleepy.

Ejaculation is when fluid comes out of the genitals.

For someone with a penis, this usually means semen (sometimes called cum) comes out of the penis.

People with vulvas can also ejaculate, which means fluid is released through the urethra.

Ejaculation often happens when someone has an orgasm, but they’re not the same thing. You can have an orgasm without ejaculating, and ejaculation can sometimes happen without an orgasm.

So, what do people actually like? There’s no one answer! Everyone is different, and what you like can depend on who you’re with, how you’re feeling and what you’re comfortable with.

If you’re having sex with someone, talking about what you both like and feel comfortable with can make things easier. You can talk about what you might want to try, what you don’t want to do and where your boundaries are.

And you can change your mind at any time. You don’t have to keep doing something just because you said yes to it earlier.

You might also be attracted to someone but not want to have sex with them. Or you might have feelings for someone but not feel sexually attracted to them. Some people experience sexual attraction and romantic attraction, some experience one but not the other, and some don’t experience either.

There’s no right or wrong way to feel attraction.

If you want to know how someone feels about you, the best thing you can do is ask. Sometimes people might not be completely honest because they’re worried about hurting your feelings or don’t know how to talk about it.

If someone tells you they’re not attracted to you, it’s okay to feel hurt or disappointed. Rejection can be hard, but you can’t pressure someone or try to change their mind. Give them space and take some time to look after yourself. Talking to someone you trust can help.

And remember, someone not being attracted to you doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. Attraction is personal, and there will be people who like you for who you are.

There could be lots of reasons why someone masturbates or watches porn. For some people, porn is something they watch for entertainment or while masturbating. Masturbating on your own is also different from having sex with a partner - it can be more private, familiar and require less physical or emotional energy.

It does not automatically mean there’s something wrong with your relationship or that your partner isn’t attracted to you. People can enjoy masturbating and having sex with a partner at the same time. What matters is how it’s affecting them and your relationship. For example, if they’re watching porn or masturbating so much that it gets in the way of school, work, sleep, friendships or other things they want to do, they might want to think about their habits. If porn or masturbation is regularly getting in the way of the kind of relationship or sex they want, it could also be worth talking about.

If you’re feeling hurt, rejected or like you’re not getting the affection you want, it’s okay to talk about it. Try to have the conversation when you’re both calm and not in the middle of having sex.

You could say something like: “I’ve noticed we haven’t been touching or having sex as much lately, and I’ve been feeling a bit rejected. Is everything okay? Is there anything going on for you?”

Try to talk about how you’re feeling rather than blaming them or assuming you know why they’re doing it. Give them a chance to explain how they’re feeling too.

You might find that there’s something else going on - they could be stressed, tired, worried about sex, unsure how to talk about what they want, or simply have a different level of interest in sex than you do.

Hopefully, you can talk about it and work out what feels right for both of you. You don’t have to have the same level of interest in sex or masturbation, but both people’s feelings and boundaries matter.

If you’re finding it really difficult to talk about, speaking with a trusted adult, counsellor or health professional could help.

It sounds like you’re attracted to your girlfriend and enjoying being intimate with her, but sometimes your body doesn’t respond in the way you expect. That’s more common than you might think, and it doesn’t necessarily mean anything is wrong.

Erections don’t always match how attracted or turned on you feel. You can be enjoying sex and feeling mentally aroused while still losing an erection. Things like feeling nervous, stressed, tired or worried about staying hard can also make it harder to keep an erection.

It’s understandable that you’re worried your girlfriend might think it’s about her. Instead of making excuses, it might help to talk to her about what’s actually happening. You could say: “I’m still really attracted to you and I’m enjoying this. Sometimes I just lose my erection, and it’s not because I don’t want to be with you.”

Try not to put pressure on yourself to stay hard. Sex doesn’t have to stop if you lose your erection, and you can still experience pleasure and be close to your partner.

You could slow things down, take some deep breaths and focus on what feels good rather than checking whether you’re still hard/erect. You can also explore different kinds of touch and intimacy. Penetration isn’t the only way to have sex.

If this keeps happening and you’re worried about it, talking to a GP can help. They can check whether there’s anything affecting your health.

Your body can respond differently from what you expect, and that’s okay. Being able to notice what you’re experiencing, communicate with your partner and take the pressure off yourself can help you both feel more comfortable and connected.

Feeling like your partner doesn’t want you sexually can hurt. It’s totally normal for that to bring up some painful feelings. For lots of people, sex is part of how we feel close, wanted and connected in a relationship.

There are heaps of reasons someone might say no to sex, so it can help to chat with them from a place of curiosity rather than blame. Ask them to help you understand not just why they’re saying no, but also why they aren’t initiating. It’s both partners responsibility to communicate what they want in a way that feels safe and comfortable for both of you.

It’s also worth thinking about the other ways your partner shows affection or desire. Even if you’re not having sex, do they flirt with you? Cuddle you? Compliment you? Sometimes people express attraction in different ways.

It’s super common for partners to have different levels of desire, and those levels can go up and down over time. It’s completely okay for anyone to say no to sex when they’re not feeling it but if one person is always the one initiating, the relationship can start to feel one-sided.

What really matters is that you are both open to having a conversation and working together.

You deserve to feel wanted, respected, and connected in your relationships and that includes a sexual connection!

It’s a good idea to think about what you want from a relationship and have an honest chat with your partner about it. Talk about what you’re both looking for, your needs, and your boundaries. It might feel awkward, but being open takes courage and helps you build the kind of relationship you really want.

It’s totally fine if someone just wants a sexual relationship, as long as they're up front about it and it's something you both want. It’s not okay for someone to be dishonest or leave you feeling uncertain. It's important that people still treat you with respect and care, even if they are not interested in having a romantic relationship

It’s okay to feel hurt or upset if you want different things. Try talking to a friend, family member, or counsellor, and focus on people and activities that make you feel good. You deserve to be happy - and there are plenty of people out there who will want the same kind of relationship as you!

Many people in relationships and marriage will find that there's times they might be enjoying sex less. It doesn’t mean it’s a problem that can’t be worked through.

If sex is new for you, it can take some time and effort to understand what feels good for you both.

It’s important to get to know what feels good for your own body first. The more you explore what you like, the easier it’ll be to share that with your partner.

The most important thing is to talk openly. Chat with your partner in a kind and curious way about what you like, what feels good, and what you’d like to try. Ask them what they’re into too.

Remember, sex isn’t just about penetration. You can explore kissing, touching, oral sex, different positions, or even try things like lube or sex toys to make it more fun and comfortable.

Talking about this stuff might feel awkward at first, but it gets easier with time, and it can actually bring you closer.

There are heaps of great podcasts, articles, and books if you want more tips on how to have these chats or figure out what you enjoy. You can also check out Yes/No/Maybe lists online. You can do these separately and then discuss your answers. They’re a fun way to learn more about what you both like or want to try.

Everyone deserves pleasurable sex. With time, communication, and patience, many couples build a deeper and more satisfying sexual connection.

The only way to know for sure is to ask! 

Everyone’s bodies and genitals are different, and people enjoy different levels of sensation and intensity. You can word it exactly how you did above - “after you come does it feel good for you if I keep going? Or does it feel too sensitive?” 

Even though it might feel awkward at first, it’s important to be able to talk to our sexual partners about what you both enjoy. This shows that you care, and it will help us to feel more comfortable and experience more pleasure! 

That being said, genital sensitivity⁠ – and sometimes sensitivity of some other body parts, too – is common for many people with penises and vulvas after orgasm⁠. People may describe touch feeling painful, uncomfortable or “too much.”  

This because the nerve endings in the genitals have been stimulated, there is an increase in blood flow, and different hormones are released. The length of time after an orgasm that it can or does last varies from person to person. If the sensitivity lasts any longer than a few hours, or if it’s making sex or other daily activities difficult, then it’s a good idea to chat to a doctor.   

For penises in particular there is also often ‘refractory period’ which is the time after an orgasm that a person might be physically unable to achieve another genital erection⁠ and/or orgasm. 

Sex feels different for everyone and it can change depending on the type of sex you’re having, who it’s with, and how you’re feeling in the moment.

Getting to know your own body through masturbation is a really good way to figure out what you like. You could try different kinds of touch, positions or sex toys, depending on what you’re comfortable with. There are heaps of toys that create different sensations, and some are designed to feel like certain kinds of sex. What matters most is exploring at your own pace and finding what feels good for you.

During sex your body will release feel good hormones that can make you feel relaxed, happy and connected. On a physical level, some common sensations used to describe different kinds of sex is: Warm, wet, a pleasurable build-up, deep pressure, a feeling of stretching and fullness, tingly, rhythmic, soft, and shivery. People may also experience different emotions during sex.

People often say “losing your virginity” when they refer to the first time someone has penis and vagina penetrative sex. But the truth is, sex might include penises, vaginas, hands, mouths or toys - You get to decide what counts as sex for you, as long as it's consensual! Virginity isn’t a scientific thing, it’s a social idea we’ve made up. Instead of thinking about it as something you “lose,” it can be more helpful to think about sex as a shared experience that should be fun, safe, and pleasurable for everyone involved!

Sex feels different for everyone, and it will also likely feel different depending on the type of sex you’re having, who you’re having sex with, and how you’re feeling at the time.

During sex your body will release feel good hormones that can make you feel relaxed, happy and connected. On a physical level, some common sensations used to describe different kinds of sex is: Warm, wet, a pleasurable build-up, deep pressure, a feeling of stretching and fullness, tingly, rhythmic, soft, and shivery. People may also experience different emotions during sex.

If you feel safe, comfortable and aroused when you have sex, you shouldn't be experiencing unwanted pain. If you do experience unwanted pain during sex, it's important to speak to a doctor.

Exploring your own body through masturbation is a great way to experience different sensations and pleasure. Experiment with varying types of touch, positions, fantasies, and sex toys. There are lots of sex toys which can help you experience different sensations, and some of them are designed to simulate certain kinds of sex. The important thing is to enjoy exploring your own body and learning about what feels good for you.

Difficulty ejaculating aka finishing or cumming can be a common experience. It can happen for lots of reasons, like:

• Feeling stressed, tired or distracted
• Being anxious about sex
• Drinking alcohol or taking drugs
• How comfortable you feel with the person or in the relationship

Remember that sexual experiences can still be fulfilling without an orgasm or erection!

It can help to:

• Shift your focus from orgasm/cumming and notice how your body feels - the excitement, pleasure, and connection between you and your partner.
• Take some deep breaths and notice sensations you're feeling in different parts of your body
• Our bodies and brains can become used to having an orgasm a certain way or with specific stimulation. The next time you masturbate or have sex, try to change one thing, such as a different position, slowing things down or changing touch.
• There's no need to rush! Take your time during sex. It's okay to stop and start as you both need or want to and to communicate during.
• If you continue to be worried, a GP can provide guidance and support with next steps.

Sexual pain is something that many people experience, for a number of different reasons. The medical term for it is ‘dyspareunia’, and it can have a significant physical, mental and emotional impact. Sexual pain may be experienced by people of any gender, in any relationship, and it may be felt in the vagina, vulva, uterus, pelvis, or penis. Some things that can contribute to sexual pain include:

• STIs, urinary tract infections (UTIs), or thrush
• Having a tight foreskin
• Skin irritation or allergies to latex or lubricant
• Vaginal dryness (lubricant helps this)
• Variations in pelvic floor function
• Vaginismus (when the muscles in your vagina involuntarily tense)
• Vulvodynia (pain in the vulva)
• Endometriosis
• Emotional responses such as negative past experiences, stress, anxiety or relationship problems
• Sex can also feel more painful and different times in the menstrual cycle
• Sex may also be more painful if you aren't sufficiently aroused so don't be afraid of foreplay and taking your time, especially if you are new to having sex

Everyone’s bodies and experiences are different. Talk to your doctor and tell them what kind of pain you’ve been having, and they can do tests and refer you to a specialist. It may be helpful to identify the type of pain you're having - is it deep and internal or is it external? Does it feel like an ache, a burn, a tingle or a sharp pain? Are there any sores or rashes present on your genitals? These questions can help your doctor identify what's happening. Gynaecologists, pelvic pain physiotherapists, and sexologists are some of the professionals who can help you find and treat the underlying cause of the pain.

Remember, despite being common, unwanted pain during sex is not something you have to put up with. Sex should be enjoyable and pleasurable for everyone!

Orgasms have been defined as the “sudden, involuntary release of sexual tension”. However, it’s hard to define or describe an orgasm because they feel different to everyone and they vary from each other.

They can happen during sexual intercourse or masturbation. They can also happen whilst you’re asleep and dreaming. Some people might be able to have orgasms quickly and for others it takes more time.

Even though orgasms feels physical, they actually starts in the brain - which plays a big role in creating and processing all those pleasurable feelings.

Orgasms usually involve increased heart rate, breathing, a tightening of muscles, and involuntary muscle contractions around the genitals or anus. There may be ejaculation of fluid that comes with this.

Most orgasms last a few seconds, but they can last longer, some feel more intense than others. It depends on the context and every orgasm you have will be different.

During and after orgasms, your body will release feel good hormones that can make you feel relaxed, happy and connected.

Experiencing pleasure during sex promote positive feelings towards sex for a number of reasons. Pleasure releases happy hormones such as dopamine and endorphins which can help shape a positive outlook towards sex. Having pleasurable sex can also indicate a good connection and good communication with the person you are having sex with. Experiencing pleasure during sex can help individuals feel good about their bodies and sexual abilities, leading to increased self-esteem and body positivity. Engaging in consensual, pleasurable sexual experiences can also lead to a normalisation of healthy sexuality. Enjoyable, positive sexual experiences reinforce the idea that sex is a natural, healthy, and enjoyable part of life, whilst also reducing shame, stigma and negative beliefs about sex.

Thank you for reaching out. We're really sorry to hear you're experiencing this.

The behaviour you have described is not okay. Regardless of your partner's intentions, if they are pressuring you into sex, or sexual acts you haven't agreed to, that is not consensual sex.

Consent means freely agreeing to what's happening, and feeling safe to say no. It should be given for each sexual act, it can be withdrawn at any time, and you never need a reason to say no. People enjoy different things sexually, and that's completely normal - but both people must agree to the type of sex they're having. When that agreement isn't there, it's against the law. You have the right to feel safe. If you’ve said you don’t want rough or violent behaviour, you shouldn’t have to repeat yourself. You deserve a relationship that is respectful, and sex that is safe, consensual, and enjoyable.

Your safety is what matters most. Feeling scared, unsafe, or disconnected from your body are all valid responses to physical violence, threats, or being pressured into sex you don't want. We strongly encourage you to reach out to a trusted person in your life, or one of the organisations listed below, they can help you work out what you'd like to do next.

Sexual Assault Crisis Line (SACL)

Free crisis support for people who have experienced sexual violence.

1800 806 292 (free call, Victoria)

www.sacl.com.au

WestCASA

Available to people living or working in Maribyrnong, Hobsons Bay, Wyndham, Melton, and Brimbank.

(03) 9216 0444

info@westcasa.org.au

westcasa.org.au/contact-us

Depending on the type of sex someone is having, their penis may find pleasure in a few different places! Penises can go into vaginas, anuses or mouths. They may also go into a fist they or someone else makes with their hand, or a sex toy. Some people may also prefer not to put their penis into something, but enjoy rubbing it on or in between body parts such as breasts, hands, buttocks, external genitals and thighs, or on objects such as bedding or furniture.

It all depends on what brings the people involved pleasure and what they consent to!

It’s common for people to have difficulty with penetrative sex when they're new to it, and it doesn’t mean anything is wrong, but it can feel frustrating, especially if you feel emotionally ready!

These are some things which might help:

• Talk about what you're experiencing with your partner before you have sex. Discuss consent, what you think you might enjoy, and any anxieties you might have about penetrative sex. Even if you feel ready to try it, you may have some underlying nerves or fear about the unknown that are causing you to tense up. Getting reassurance from your partner that they understand consent can change and that they will check in with you and pause or stop any time you need to might help to reduce those fears.
• If you can, make sure you are somewhere private, comfortable and safe where you know you won't be disturbed.
• Try to relax and take the pressure off yourself. Your vaginal muscles may be tensing automatically if you are feeling stressed about the situation, which is why it’s important to feel safe and comfortable when having sex.
• Use plenty of lubricant. Using condoms and talking about contraception can also be a good way to make sure you feel safe which can also help you to feel more relaxed about having sex.
• Breathe deeply and focus on other types of intimacy and touch first to help you relax, feel good, and to make sure your body is ready.
• Go slow, take your time
• Try different positions or try a pillow under your hips to make things more comfortable or to change the angle
• Explore on your own when you’re feeling relaxed, and use a sex toy or your fingers to get used to the feeling of penetration.
• Stop if you feel any unwanted pain.

Penetration is just one type of sex, so try to be patient and take your time. Enjoy the different kinds of pleasure and sensations that come from different kinds of touching and exploring, and there’s a good chance that penetration will happen!

Most importantly, if anything causes you pain you should stop. If you try the above suggestions and it still feels as though you are too tight, it may be worth talking to a doctor, gynaecologist and/or pelvic floor physio about what else to try.

Vaginas are naturally elastic and can stretch to fit things of different sizes, including tampons, penises, sex toys and even babies during childbirth! It's not possible to permanently "loosen" a vagina, but if you're finding it painful or uncomfortable to have penetrative sex with your partner, here are a few things you can try:

Make sure you are aroused, relaxed and ready before trying to insert anything. It might help to explore your own body by yourself or with your partner to figure out what you enjoy and what helps your body feel ready for sex.

Go slowly and check in with your body to make sure you're not tense. Taking some deep breaths can help you feel more ready and relaxed, which can help with feeling more aroused or turned-on.

It can also be a good idea to use plenty of lubricant.

It could help to insert fingers or sex toys first to get used to the feeling. If it feels good, you can try stimulating the clitoris during penetration as well.

Have a conversation with your partner about consent and boundaries before you have any kind of sex - knowing you can stop or change your mind at any moment may help you to feel more relaxed.

It’s important to remember penetration is just one type of sex, and sex should be equally pleasurable for everyone involved. Take your time and enjoy the different kinds of pleasure and sensations that come from different kinds of touching and exploring.

Most importantly, if anything causes you pain you should stop. If you try the above suggestions and it still feels as though you are too tight, it may be worth talking to a doctor, gynaecologist and/or pelvic floor physio about what else to try.

All types of sex have some risk, but the good news is there are ways to lower the risk so that you can have the sex that feels good to you.

These are some ways you and your partner make it safer (which is why we call it safer sex!):

- Good communication about consent, pleasure and what you do or don't enjoy. Try to start these conversations before sex, check in during sex and chat about how you're feeling after sex. Things you might talk about include what you do or don't consent to, how you will communicate changing or taking away your consent during sex, what type of contraception you use or would like to use, sexual health checks, and what care you might need after having sex.

- Lubricant and condoms can also help to improve the safety of anal sex. The skin around the anus is thin and can tear quite easily, which means there is a heightened chance of STIs (sexually transmissible infections) and BBVs (blood-borne viruses) such as HIV. Condoms are the easiest way to lower this risk, and lubricant can make condoms less likely to break and can make anal sex easier and feel better, because the anus doesn't self-lubricate.

- Take your time and go slow. The anus doesn't stretch as much as a vagina, so it's important not to rush anal penetration. You could use your mouth or fingers to start with, and then try penetration with a toy or penis once you feel comfortable with those. If you feel any unwanted pain or if you decide you're not enjoying it, you can stop at any time, take a break or try something else.

- If using any toys, make sure to use something with a flared base that is quite a bit wider than the toy itself. This is to help make sure that part of the toy remains outside of the body so that you can remove it easily. If the entire toy goes inside the anus it can be difficult to remove and could cause damage, so you should go to the hospital for removal if this happens.

The first time you have sex shouldn't be painful if everyone involved feels ready for sex and feels aroused/turned on enough for it to happen. For people with vaginas there might be some discomfort the first time they experience penetration with a penis, toys or fingers. There also might be a brief, sharp pain if the hymen tears, but for many people this tears earlier in life through things like riding bicycles or inserting tampons. For people with penises there could be some discomfort with the feeling of a condom if it is the first time using one.

If you experience a lot of unwanted pain, or ongoing pain during sex any time, whether it's your first time or not, you should stop.

Pain during your first experience of sex could be due to a few reasons - you may not be ready mentally, or your body may not be ready. Make sure you want to have sex and that you are turned on. Many people skip foreplay or other types of intimacy before their first time having sex, but it's important for making sure your body is relaxed and ready. You may also need to use lubricant - this can make sex feel better for everyone, whether they have a penis or a vagina.

If you feel ready, you want to have sex and you're turned on but you're still experiencing pain, there could be other things to think about. You might have an allergy to latex condoms, or to the lubricant or spermicide gel you're using. People with penises could feel pain if the foreskin is too tight. There might also be other reproductive health conditions that can cause pain. If you often get unwanted pain during sex it's also a good idea to chat with a doctor.

Remember that sex can look different for everyone. If penetrative sex is painful, or if you don't want to do it, other types of sex are still sex. The main point of sex is for it to feel good and to feel connected. Your first time being intimate with another person gets to look and feel however you and your partner want it to look and feel, even if it doesn't include penetrative sex.

Check out our previous responses to get more info: Why does it hurt when I have sex? What does sex feel like?

How a woman masturbates is unique to that person. It's important to note that not all women have vulvas, and everyone's body is different - so there are lots of different ways people masturbate. People can masturbate in any way that brings them pleasure! There's no right or wrong way to do it, it all depends on what works for that person.
Some of the ways people with vulvas might masturbate include:

• Using fingers, hands or sex toys to touch different parts of the body including vulva, clitoris, nipples, anus, neck, ears, or anywhere that feels good to them
• Inserting fingers or toys into the vagina, or anus, or stimulating the entrance of the vagina or anus
• Rubbing against furniture or objects including pillows, or using running water from a showerhead or tap
• People may squeeze, rub, stroke or do any other type of stimulation that feels good to them
• People can also use lubricant to increase sensation and comfort
  

This is just a short list, and there are many other ways people masturbate that aren't included here. It's also important to clean sex toys after using them with warm water and mild soap. Our bodies are full of nerve endings, and what feels good for one person, may not feel the same for another, so it's a good idea to experiment with different types of touch in different areas of the body to see what works for you.

Everyone’s body is different, and vaginal wetness can vary. There’s no “normal” amount, and not everyone always gets wet. Things like age, hormones, stress, and medication can all affect this.

Less natural lubrication doesn’t mean sex can’t be enjoyable! Lube can make things more comfortable and fun and there’s nothing shameful about using it.

• Water-based: gentle on skin, safe with all condoms
• Silicone-based: longer-lasting, also condom-safe
• Oil-based: long-lasting, but do not use with condoms

If you’re feeling discomfort or notice changes, chat with your GP. They can help figure out what’s going on and offer advice or treatment.

Masturbation is a normal and healthy part of being a human! People of all ages, genders and backgrounds masturbate. Sometimes our society or culture gives us the idea that we should feel guilty or ashamed of masturbating, but this isn't the case. Masturbation is a way to feel pleasure, connect with yourself, and explore what feels good for you and your body. People might also masturbate for stress release or just for something to do! Masturbating can be good for our health and wellbeing, it releases happy hormones like dopamine, endorphins and oxytocin, which can help reduce stress and boost mood.

If you're finding that masturbating is getting in the way of your daily life and stopping you doing activities or spending time with friends, or if it’s becoming painful then it could be good to ease off slightly. It's also good to make sure you use plenty of lubricant, wash and sterilise any toys you use and aren't masturbating with items that could cause you any injury.

Some people may become reliant on one method of masturbating and then find it more difficult to experience pleasure during partnered sex, but this is not the case for everyone. If you are worried about that you can always try experimenting with different positions and techniques. Otherwise masturbation is healthy and normal and no cause for concern. Our bodies are designed to feel good and experience pleasure.

Bahasa Indonesian translation:

Masturbasi adalah bagian yang normal dan sehat dari kehidupan manusia.

Orqng2 dari segala usia jenis kelamin dan latar belakang melakukan masturbasi.

Tubuh kita dirancang untuk merasakan kenyamanan dan krnikmatan.

Kami trlah menjawab pertanyaan serupa tentang masturbasi disini Masturbation response

English translation:

Masturbation is a normal and healthy part of being a human. People of all ages, genders and backgrounds masturbate. Our bodies are designed to feel good and exerience pleasure! We've answered a similar question about masturbation here: Masturbation response

The best thing to do if you misgender someone by accident is to apologise and then keep the conversation going, making sure to use correct pronouns and names going forward. Try not to make a big deal out of it, and don't put the responsibility on the person you misgendered to make you feel better about it.

The same can apply if you hear someone else misgender a person - gently correct them, keep using the correct pronouns, and keep the conversation moving. If you have to continually correct them, try to have a conversation with them later about using the correct pronouns.

Even though your period usually comes once a month it can be normal to miss periods sometimes. The absence of a period is called amenorrhoea. Hormonal imbalances are the most common cause of missed periods.

There are several things that can make cycles irregular, including:

• hormonal birth control
• stress
• travel
• weight loss or gain
• excessive exercise
• It may also be caused by polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS), or a pituitary or thyroid disease.

If you previously had regular periods, and you are not pregnant or starting menopause, then it is best you talk to a doctor, who can talk to you about what's going on and do some tests. There are different things doctors can do to treat absent periods, which will depend on the cause.

Everyone's body is different, and your doctor should listen to you and help you figure out what is going on.

This is quite common, although for some it may happen more often or have more of an impact than it does on others.

Therapeutic supports such as talking to a counsellor or therapist may help you to learn strategies to manage your emotions.

If you find your difficulty regulating your emotions around your period is interfering with your ability to complete daily tasks, it may be worth discussing this with your doctor to see if there are any medical management options available to you.

Pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) can cause emotional dysregulation, mood changes, headaches and fatigue one or two weeks prior to your period - so this might be something worth looking into.

Most people live totally healthy, active lives with just one testicle or “ball”. Some people are born with one, and others might have had one removed for health reasons.

Testicles are part of the reproductive system. They make sperm and hormones, especially testosterone.

Having one testicle usually doesn’t affect your penis, erections, or sex drive. One testicle usually makes enough testosterone for all of that. One testicle can usually make enough sperm for someone to get pregnant.

It’s pretty rare for having one testicle to cause other health problems.

If a testicle was recently removed, and there’s any pain, swelling, or other changes, it’s a good idea to check in with a GP.

Having one testicle is often not very noticeable, but if it makes someone feel self-conscious, talking to a professional can help.

The pH balance of the vulva has a slightly higher pH and is less acidic than the vagina, but more acidic than the skin on our bodies. The skin of the vulva is sensitive and using a cleanser with the wrong pH on your vulva can disrupt the pH balance and remove the healthy bacteria, which could cause irritation, dryness, and increased risk of infections.

The best way to wash the vulva is to wash around the folds using warm water and your hand when you shower. You can use a mild, fragrance-free soap for sensitive skin if you choose, but it isn’t necessary! These soaps can be more affordable and effective than specific ‘feminine hygiene’ products, which many gynaecologists don’t recommend using.

If you’re experiencing any itching, irritation, a strong odour, or discharge that’s grey, yellow, green or lumpy, have a chat to your GP!

Getting pregnant works the same way for people of all body shapes and sizes. It involves a penis and testicles, which make sperm, and a vagina, uterus, and ovaries, which make eggs. While other factors can affect pregnancy, these parts and processes don't change with body size.

To become pregnant it's important to have regular sex around the time of ovulation. If you've been trying to become pregnant for 6-12 months, you can visit your doctor or a fertility specialist who can do fertility testing and provide you with information and guidance.

In terms of comfort and pleasure, body shape and size can impact how you position your bodies. Everyone, no matter their body, deserves to enjoy sex and their bodies. Pleasure is unique, it might take some time to understand what you enjoy.

You could explore your own bodies separately or explore each other's bodies together. Taking time to find what positions and types of touch feel good. It's okay to lift or move parts of your body, to make things more comfortable. There are a range of props available that can help with positioning, increasing comfort and support.

It's normal for people to have one testicle bigger than the other. Often the right testicle is larger than the left. It can also be normal to have one hang a bit lower than the other, and these things are usually no cause for concern.

However there can be some instances where different sized testicles can indicate a health problem, and if you are experiencing pain in your testicles, can feel lumps, or there has been a sudden size difference, then you should talk to your doctor.

Having sex with lots of different people is unlikely to cause erectile dysfunction (ED).

ED is common and can happen at any age. It’s caused by a mix of physical and psychological factors. Stress, anxiety, or issues in your relationships or sex life can all play a part in making it harder to get or keep an erection, especially during penetrative sex.

If you're noticing ongoing changes in your erections and there doesn’t seem to be an emotional or mental cause, it’s a good idea to talk to your doctor. ED can sometimes be linked to underlying health conditions or be a side effect of certain medications.

It’s important that you and your partners practice safer sex. This means getting regular STI tests, discussing the types of contraception and protection you want to use and making sure you use these each time to prevent STIs or pregnancy.

It is recommended that you get an STI test with each new sexual partner, then testing again every 3 months even if you don’t have any symptoms.

It's possible, but not very common. Producing milk from the breast without being pregnant or breastfeeding is called galactorrhea (pronounced 'guh-lack-toe-ree-uh'). It's estimated that around 25% of people assigned female at birth experience galactorrhea, but reported rates vary.

It's most common in people who have been pregnant or given birth before, but it can happen to anyone. Causes include medication side effects, frequent breast handling, and hormone imbalances. Health issues such as tumours and thyroid conditions could also be contributing factors.

It usually goes away on its own, but if it doesn't, if it's bothering you, or if the discharge is yellow, clear, brown, or bloody, you should see a doctor.

The vagina is a flexible tube inside our body, whereas the vulva is the part that is visible outside the body. Both can get swollen for different reasons.

There are a few common reasons vaginas and vulvas might get swollen, but it's usually our body's way of telling us that something is going on.

Your vagina or vulva may be swollen because of:

- Inflammation caused by a bacterial or viral infection

- Allergies to products such as feminine hygiene wash, types of menstrual products, laundry detergents, condoms, lubricants, spermicidal gel or underwear/clothing materials.

- Some kinds of STIs

- Pimples or ingrown hairs may cause localised swelling in parts of your vulva

- Bartholin's cysts or abscesses can cause swelling around the opening of your vagina

Swelling that happens when you're feeling sexually aroused (especially around your vulva and/or clitoris) is completely normal and is generally just a sign of blood rushing to the area.

Some things that could help are:

-avoiding products and things that might irritate your vagina

-wearing loose clothes and cotton underwear

-getting STI checks and using condoms.

If your vagina is swollen for more than a few days, if it's painful or uncomfortable, or if you have other symptoms like unusual discharge or itching, it's a good idea to chat to your GP. They will be able to do some tests, and provide you with some medication or creams to help!

Learn more about reasons vagina's can get swollen here:

flo.health/swollen-vagina

Fun fact! The clitoris is the only organ in the human body designed purely for pleasure.

The clitoral hood is a natural fold of skin that covers and protects the tip (glans) of the clitoris from irritation. It works in a similar way to how the foreskin protects the head of a penis. The part of the clitoris you can see is only one small part of it. The clitoris actually extends inside the body and sits on either side of the vagina.

When someone becomes aroused, more blood flows to the clitoris, causing it to swell. This can make the clitoral hood move back a bit, so the clitoral tip is more exposed. Everyone’s clitoral hood looks different - they come in different sizes, shapes, and skin tones. Some people have larger clitoral hoods, which means the clitoris might not be fully visible, and that’s really common.

It's really important to explore and talk about what feels good in the moment. Go gently, don't force your clitoral hood to move if it's uncomfortable, and communicate throughout with your partner. Try different touch, use lube, try toys and go at your own pace!

Finding the G-spot can be difficult, as research says that it might not be its own distinct anatomical structure (like the clitoris or labia), so there are no images or body maps to show exactly where it is.

Lots of experts believe that it's part of the clitoral network. The clitoris is actually a lot larger than just the nub you see near the opening of the urethra. To visualise what a clitoris actually looks like, imagine a wishbone shape where the top of it is the only visible part, and the two wings or branches that come off the main stem sit either side of the vagina. So when people talk about stimulating the G spot, some scientists now think you're actually stimulating the clitoris from a different direction.

Finding the G-spot is best done at a time where you're able to explore alone, rather than during partnered sex. Make sure you're feeling relaxed and turned on - it might help to stimulate your clitoris a little bit first. A hand mirror can help you get familiar with your external genital anatomy if you aren't sure where the clitoris is. Next, insert a finger into your vagina, with the pad of your finger facing upwards towards your belly button. It may help to use some lubricant. Once your finger is inserted, gently bend it as if making a "come here" motion. Some people say they can feel a spot inside the vagina about 5-8 centimeters (or 2-3 inches) from the vaginal opening. It may feel a bit rougher or spongier than the rest of the vaginal wall. If you can't feel that spot, that's okay! Vaginas are super sensitive organs, so the main point of this exercise is to see if there's a particular part of your vagina that gives you pleasure when touched. You can play around with pressure, speed, number of fingers or toys to see what feels best and where. If you can't find a singular spot that feels really good, that's also fine. Some people don't get pleasure from G-spot stimulation. Whether you feel pleasure in certain places may also depend on hormonal changes, and lifestyle factors such as stress, anxiety or medication, so you might want to try more than once. Experiment with different days, different times of the day, and different set ups, different positions or different locations (if you have a few different rooms in your house where you can have privacy).

Remember there's a lot that goes into feeling good when it comes to sex and pleasure. Deciding to explore your body on your own terms is a really positive step and something to be proud of! Go into this curious and try not to make finding your G-spot your ultimate goal. Learning about your body and what you do or don't enjoy is always worth doing.

Learn more about the clitoris and G-spot here!
flo.health/landings/how-to-find-the-clitoris-and-g-spot

Herpes is really common and usually easy to manage. About 1 in 8 sexually active Australian adults have genital herpes, and many don’t even know it because they don’t show symptoms.

It’s hard to say exactly how likely you are to catch herpes from unprotected sex, but estimates are roughly 3–10%. Women are slightly more likely to get it than men. Risk depends on things like how often you have sex and how recently your partner got the virus. People who’ve had herpes a long time are less contagious than someone who just got it. Herpes doesn’t have a cure, but it’s treatable. Medicine can be used during outbreaks or to lower the chance of passing it on.

You’re most likely to catch herpes when your partner has visible sores or is having an outbreak. Some people never have noticeable outbreaks, or go years without one. Use condoms and oral dams regularly and avoid oral, anal, or vaginal sex when you have blisters, sores, or tingling/itching.

If you’re worried, chatting with your GP or visiting a sexual health clinic with your partner is a good idea.

More info here: shvic.org.au/stis-and-bbvs/genital-herpes

If you're looking to prevent STIs, BBVs and pregnancy, the humble condom is your best bet - it's the only contraceptive that does it all. If you're looking to prevent pregnancy, there are many options you can look to!

• Long Acting Reversible Contraceptives (LARCs) are among the most effective, as they mostly remove the element of human error that can contribute to lower efficacy in other contraceptives.
• The oral contraceptive pill is also popular as it is easily accessible and low-cost if you have a Medicare card.

You can also talk to your doctor about:

• The contraceptive ring
• The injection
• Long-term solutions such as tubal ligation or vasectomy.

Just remember that, besides condoms, these contraceptives only prevent pregnancy, not STIs or BBVs, so it's important to still use a condom and get tested regularly

If you are having safe, consensual, and mutually pleasurable sexual experiences, then this should not lead to any complications with your reproductive health.

Communication about consent, boundaries and STI testing, treatment and contraception is important in every relationship, regardless of how many partners you have. Make sure you’re having open and ongoing conversations with all of your partners to ensure everyone is safe, happy and on the same page about expectations.

When it comes to safer sex remember that condoms are the only form of contraception that protects against both STIs and pregnancy. Condoms come in different sizes and different materials, and they also make condoms to go inside vaginas as well as the more commonly known ones that go on penises! It is best to get tested for STIs every 6-12 months, even in long-term monogamous relationships. Make sure you also get tested with any new partners, especially if you plan to have sex without using a condom.

Condoms are the cheapest and easiest option to prevent against STIs and BBVs. They're readily available at chemists, supermarkets and even petrol stations and anyone can buy them. Other precautions you can take include regular testing - even in a long-term, monogamous relationship it's still recommended you test roughly once per year. Clinics such as the Melbourne Sexual Health Clinic offer free testing, even without a Medicare card. If you have HIV or are having sex that may expose you to HIV, talking to your doctor about PrEP is another option to look at. It's important to note that PrEP won't protect against other STIs.

This depends on what your concern is! If you are worried about sexually transmitted infections (STIs) or blood-borne viruses (BBVs) you could talk to your doctor or a sexual health clinic to get testing and treatment. If you are concerned about sexual function, you could talk to your doctor to investigate any physiological or biological causes, or you could talk to a sex therapist about any emotional or psychological causes. For sexual assault or harassment you can call a phone line such as 1800 RESPECT or talk to your local Centre Against Sexual Assault (CASA).

Your boundaries around any activity, including sex, should always be respected. If you feel someone is crossing your boundaries and not respecting your "no" then the activity is non-consensual. You can call services such as 1800 RESPECT or your local CASA (Centre Against Sexual Assault).

For specialised community support you can contact Rainbow Door or Qlife for LGBTQIA+ people; Djirra or 13YARN for First Nations people; or inTouch for migrants and refugees.

Reproductive health is a really important topic that affects our bodies, health and general wellbeing, but unfortunately accurate information about reproductive health can still be hard to access and isn’t always prioritised in schools and communities.

Sexuality education educates young people about these topics while they are at school, but it still has a long way to go in making sure it's comprehensive and relevant to everyone. It can be hard to educate via social media as the algorithm often blocks certain words even though they are medical terms related to health, which is wild! Having conversations with friends, family and people you meet in your everyday life can be a great way to educate people. Some people might feel uncomfortable talking about reproductive health and there can still be some stigma around these conversations. We need to change this because it's something everyone should feel comfortable talking about and everyone has the right to access knowledge and information about their bodies, health and lives. However we also want to make sure we talk about it in a way that's culturally safe and is respectful of different experiences people may have had. The more we talk about these topics the easier it will get.

It's also important that people ask their doctors questions – especially around reproductive health. Ask why certain tests need to be done, what are they looking for? Ask them if they offer medical abortions in case you ever need them. Ask them about your fertility, how you can get it tested and what you need to know about it.

Finding and sharing written resources from trusted sources can also help. Some people may not feel comfortable having a conversation straight away, so providing them with information they can read in their own time can help.

Sex has existed for millions of years - it's a biological process that has been around even longer than humans have existed!

Humans have always had sex. It's a natural process, and it’s the way that many species continue to exist, although there are now ways for humans to create babies which don’t involve sex. It hasn’t always just been for reproduction. People have had sex for pleasure and connection for just as long as they have had it to make babies.

It can be between people of any gender, and is more than just penis-in-vagina penetration! It might include penises, vaginas, hands, mouths or toys. Remember that sex should is consensual and enjoyable for everyone involved!